That Time Tom Petty, Stevie Nix, and The Police Helped My Grief
Today I mustered up the courage to leave my home and get some groceries. It was my third week in a row for visiting the grocery store on a Thursday. I grabbed my wallet, phone, keys, and some sanitary wipes and headed out the door.
My short drive to the store was embraced in silence. No radio or podcasts. No phone calls. Just me and my thoughts.
Despite getting some lengthy sleep the night before, I noticed how tired I felt. My eyes felt heavy. My body was stiff. There was a ton of tension in my neck.
After sorting through some of the “what’s going on with me?” sensations, I realized a lot of what I was feeling was grief- and it was pandemic related.
Just yesterday, my landlord sent an email notification that she would be raising the rent. “How incompassionate,” I thought. Especially on April Fools’ Day. Then I talked to my neighbor (we both have the same landlord).
He’s a Chiropractor. He’s now earning just 10% of what was a month ago. His problems are currently much bigger than mine. After listening to what he’s going through, I felt really sad. I had to excuse myself to tend to my emotions.
After sitting with the sadness for a while, I felt a little better and moved on with my day.
But this morning, all the grief felt like it had caught up with me. I felt exhausted and I was pretty sure that grief was the culprit.
I pulled into the parking lot, looked at the long line, and noticed how so many more people were wearing face masks than last week. I felt the wave of exhaustive grief hit me even harder.
I spent 40 minutes waiting in line. While waiting, I tried to remind myself of how blessed I was to stand in warm sunshine. I practiced gratitude, thanking the Universe for my family having the financial means to buy groceries for the next week.
I did what I could to counter the feeling of exhaustion caused by grief. I watched the father and son 6 ft in front of me exchange a unique interaction. I stretched. I yawned. Several times.
But when I pulled my phone out of my pocket and began to scroll, I realized I had made a big mistake. My feed was full of COVID-19 news. I tried to read one article- to be informed and current on the latest info. I couldn’t finish it. It was too depressing.
By the time I got into the store, my spirits were pretty down. It was hard to focus. I was lucky to have a shopping list that could help provide some form of direction.
To my surprise, the shelves were stocked. Everything on my list was available. I got to the check out counter feeling slightly better, but also hoping my social connection with the check out attendant would be fun and could help me feel better.
My luck continued. When we exchanged our hellos, I could tell she was putting out positive vibes. We small talked for a moment. It then got quiet. I wanted to keep talking so I remembered a question I asked to the checkout attendant a week ago. I decided to ask the lady who was now helping me with my groceries. “How many employees here do you think can juggle?” I asked.
“Juggle?” she replied.
“Yeah, like a percentage wise?” I said.
“Percentages are a bit of a trigger these days,” she commented.
I laughed. “You’re so right,” I said. Percentages aren’t a great thing to talk about right now.
“What I will tell you is that there’s so many 80’s songs that have lyrics very appropriate for what’s all going on right now,” she said.
“80’s songs?” I asked very surprised.
“Yeah, do you know the Police?”
Our exchange became a gift. Rather quickly my buying groceries had turned into a game of Name that Tune.
“Every little thing she does is magic” and “I’ll be watching you” were the two songs that immediately came to mind. I spoke of the song titles but with little confidence.
“You’re getting closer,” she remarked.
I gave up.
“Don’t stand so, don’t stand so, don’t stand so close to me,” she sang.
I felt the muscles in my face rise upwards. I quickly realized I had just smiled for the first time today.
“Do you know Stevie Nix?” she asked.
“I only know Fleetwood Mac songs. I didn’t follow Stevie Nix’s solo career,” I remarked.
“Stand back, stand back!” she blurted out.
My smile then turned into laughter.
“I’ve got one more. You know Tom Petty, right?” she asked.
Three songs came to mind. All were wrong.
“Don’t come around here no more,” she sang with a smile.
This lady was on a role. Our Name That Tune game was fun. I was highly entertained.
And then just like that, our time was up. Name that 80’s Coronavirus tune was over and it was time for me to pay for my groceries and leave.
We said our goodbyes and wished each other well. The moment I pushed my cart into the parking lot, reality set back in. My life had returned back to the land of cautionary concern; not touching anything and staying as far away as possible from strangers.
But the attendant who helped me surely made my day. I was pretty overwhelmed with grief by the time I approached her and she helped spark some light in an otherwise gloomy day. She also helped me tap into some joy, a warm feeling when I needed it most.
To all of you who are putting out positive vibes during a time of immense grief, thank you! From the bottom of my heart, thank you. Your joy and humor is really making a difference right now! Thank you!
Reid Peterson is the Creator of the Grief Refuge app. Grief Refuge is a daily companion to help support people on the grief journey. Download for free on iOS or Android to get daily support.
