The Death of a Much Needed Hug
Do you remember seeing videos of people on the streets in NYC holding signs that say “Free Hugs”? There would be some skeptical stranger slowly approach the hugger but then open up to a warm embrace. Seeing the encounter would spark joy and create our own feelings of warmth and tenderness.
What would be your response if you saw someone offering free hugs to strangers now?
Hugs are dying. It’s ironic. Hugs are things that help us survive. Research studies have shown hugs help reduce fear. The highly acclaimed Family Therapist, Virginia Satir, has stated people need at least 4 hugs a day for survival. Hugs are known to help us feel happier and healthier. They’re a way to show comfort and help people feel supported.
If you’re with your family during this shelter at home time, keep hugging your loved ones. Even on those days that you want to pull your hair out. A hug can help heal the frustration or anger experienced toward another.
Sadly, there are many people who are sheltering at home alone that are in complete isolation. I’ve been thinking a lot about them and empathizing with their loneliness and longing for connection. As I imagine myself in a situation of sheltering at home alone, I feel a sense of stir-craziness and a deep sense of despair.
I hope I’m wrong. My imagination can take me to a dark place sometimes. But there are times when I listen to friends who are sheltering at home alone speak about their loneliness. They crack jokes about talking to themselves while looking in the mirror or pretending that a stuffed animal is now their best friend, etc.
These friends who are sheltering at home alone have no one to hug. They’re not getting any physical contact with anyone. Zero. Not even a handshake or high five right now. That’s really hard!
Physical touch is so important in our lives. Without the comfort of touch from another person, getting through this pandemic, emotionally, is that much more difficult. Have we taken touch for granted in the past? It matters not. What does matter is that touch and human to human connection is now being longed for by millions, if not billions of people.
It still baffles me how quickly it all changed. One day, we were hanging with friends, grabbing drinks and dancing. The next day, we’re told to keep a safe distance from each other- in order to protect our health and vitality.
For everyone sheltering at home alone, my heart goes out to you. I wish I could create a fix for your situation. I wish I could say, “eat this” or “do this and you’ll feel better”.
But I can’t. There isn’t anything that will take that pain away. And I’m sorry that’s how it is right now.
If it’s at all any reconciliation, please know that you’re still loved. You may be unable to feel it physically, but hopefully you feel it emotionally.
Will it help to be told more often you’re loved? Will it help if you are smiled to more frequently? Can hearing another person laugh help you laugh more? Does laughing help you feel better?
Please do what’s best for you to take care of yourself. Be kind to yourself. Also, know that everyone who loves you is also missing your touch.
Although you may not get the physical touch you need at the moment, there are a few things you can do to self remedy. A few recommendations from friends who are sheltering at home alone include:
- Feeling sunshine on your skin
- Cradling a stuffed animal
- Self massage
- Viewing funny videos
- Touching plants, trees, and other living, breathing things in nature
- Exercising
- Closing your eyes and visualizing hugs from loved ones
- Using a weighted blanket
Are there others I’m missing?
Although a much needed hug isn’t happening right now, hang on to the hope and trust that one is coming soon. Yes, it’s hard but you are doing so well. This restraint is only temporary. It too shall pass.
#alonetogether
Reid Peterson is the Creator of the Grief Refuge app. Grief Refuge is a daily companion to help support people on the grief journey. Download for free on iOS or Android to get daily support.
